im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
