OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to calm my uterus...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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