Will you blow on my dice?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
