i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
