feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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