i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Boobs speak an international language.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm both gender and math confused
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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