her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
