Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
