i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
