I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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