He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
