At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
