brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize