Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
