Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
