she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
