Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
