I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
