you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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