Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
