he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
