dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
