Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
