Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
