what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
