my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
