Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
