dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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