I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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