You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
