If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
