dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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