Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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