YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
