is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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