I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
