Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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