she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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