You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
