so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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