soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
