he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
