You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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