UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
