D3 body, D1 cock
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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