I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found puke in my bra..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
