he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
