my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NoShamevember. You game?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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