yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
