Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
